This is Personal

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

~ Brene Brown ~

Last night the floodgates opened...

And decades of grief, pain, and shame spilled out as if I was standing in a room with no roof in the pouring rain. 

I felt a huge lump in my throat, I could barely speak, and sobbed like a little child - while my partner held me and allowed the energy to pass through. 

I am okay!

Not unlike most people, I'm going through a ton of change and transformation. 

So much has happened in the last few years. 

For one, I decided to leave a 17 year Nursing career and started my own private practice as a holistic mental health advocate. 

I'm so grateful and excited for this opportunity to serve in a new and improved ways that align with my values. At the same time there's a lot of mixed emotions around this transition. It's a huge decision filled with uncertainty and the unknown as well as 

a major shift in identity. 

Another major change is my partner and I moved across the country making this is the first time I'm living apart from my 21 year old daughter. 

Even though I'm grateful she is happy, healthy, and thriving - I still miss her very much. We text, talk on phone and facetime daily but it is not the same as being able to just give her a big hug. 

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm doing alright and tell myself, "She's independent and strong, and this is all part of growing up and becoming her own person." And logically it all makes sense. But then the emotions sneak up on me. 

Have you noticed grief comes in waves? 

What types of changes and transitions are you going through right now? How are you coping? 

Overwhelming big emotions come up when they are ready to be expressed, released, let go and you're ready to handle processing them. 

Our bodies, minds, and our hearts have a wisdom of their own. Part of change and transformation is a way to allow us to connect more deeply with ourselves and others. 

We are always longing for deep connections with ourselves and others throughout our lives. 

The path to establishing a healthy connection is within.

Yet, we often have walls and barriers built that need to be removed first to establishing strong connections. 

Those barriers are unresolved conflict, pain, trauma. 

It is at the root of what makes us feel lost, alone, fragmented, and disconnected. Especially as we navigate major changes in our journey.

We sometimes come to view connections as a never ending source of pain, conflict, betrayal, trauma, drama, and hurt. 

We are terrified to open up, be vulnerable, and to trust. 

And there's a very good reason for that. 

We arrive at that place coming from previously experiencing unhealthy, abusive, and traumatic  connections and attachment figures in our lives. 

It starts in childhood and progresses into our adult relationships - friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, parenting and everything else in between. 

Yes, our hearts have been broken many times over. 

And it is not our fault! 

Please be gentle with yourself right now regardless of what you're going through. 

And if you are in this space of having a desire to connect more deeply to yourself or others but feeling afraid to do so. You're not alone. 

I want you to know it is possible for you to break down the barriers and walls preventing you from going deeper.  

You are worthy of love, belonging, and deep connection. 

You deserve to be heard, understood, seen, and loved for who you are. 

Regardless of what happened in the past and the connections you experienced that made you feel like who you are was not enough, does not say much about you. 

Your worth does not depend on how others have treated or mistreated you.

Although, those experiences leave their marks in our psyche and self esteem, they do not need to dictate our present reality. 

They do not need to interfere with our present relationships and connections. 

If you're willing to take the time to process what happened and how it impacted you, then you can be free of the influences of the past. 

You don't have to be hostage to your past or what happened to you. 

Change is possible and it is a process. 

How do you move forward when you're afraid? 

Well, it starts with acceptance of where you are, and who you are. 

Then having self compassion for all that you have experienced and been through. 

These are two tools you can use as an opening to change. 

Our connection to ourselves and others is vital. 

Even as babies we cannot survive if our caregivers couldn't care for us. 

We need each other. 

We are mirrors for each other. 

We are interdependent beings. 

Truly no man is an island. 

So there is a price for love, belonging, and deep connection

. 

It requires us to run towards and embrace our biggest fears -  intimacy and vulnerability. 

I can tell you this is what is helping me to recover from disconnection to connection.

Due to significant trauma in my life, I really struggle in relationships. I think that is something that's a challenge for many people. 

However, along the way, I have been blessed to have people hold space for me to be who I am. My partner being one of my biggest support.

Our connection has been incredibly healing. 

Do you have someone in your corner who accepts and loves you for who you are?

What does that feel like for you?

Please hit reply and share your thoughts with me. 

Let me know if I could be of service in anyway. 

Reach out if you need additional support. 

Until next time, we continue in earnest solidarity.

Warmest Regards,

Neseret Bemient, RN, BScN

Holistic Mental Health and Addiction Nurse

BIG DREAMS

...start inside

...take courage

...involve effort

...include mistakes

...build character

...are achievable

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~