Seeking Help for Loved One?

“Perhaps like many people who find themselves in circumstances where they really just want someone to talk to or listen empathetically to what they’re feeling and not necessarily wanting ‘help’ to change that which can’t be changed.

I think that many patients start out like this before psychiatric intervention takes place and they are unable to shake loose thereafter which is the primary reason why you’re making these videos, I suspect.

Certainly, I have witnessed firsthand how the mental health treatment professionals create more problems than it fixes. No doubt about that, it’s blatantly obvious, and it’s also beyond the scope of doing anything that would make a significant difference to the prevailing practices and procedures. That’s clear too.

So, where does that leave me? I’m cast back onto myself with nothing to hold on to, which means I have to learn to be a light unto myself and that requires seeing inwardly, not from an outside observer position which carries all of the past memories, piece by piece, and part by part. In other words, the total conglomerate of problems accumulated over time, psychologically. Can’t I be affectionately indifferent to all these ‘things’ immediately?

That’s the challenge, Neseret, to reject every notion of getting ‘help’ from places where it’s clear that such actions prolong and proliferate problems indefinitely. Then all energy which was previously wasted in seeking help is available NOW to address ‘what is’ wholly without any conflict. The key to it is ‘in-action’ in lieu of ‘re-action’ with no predicting of what will happen. It can only take effect in real life emergencies(crisis), not intellectually. This is really true meditation on life itself, not taking pains over repeated mindfulness practices.” ~@grahaminglis4242

Dear friend,

This was a heartfelt and wise comment that I received a couple of days ago on our YouTube community from a mother who’s advocating for her son who suffers from mental illness, and her experience of navigating through the mental health system.

It really encapsulates the heart wrenching journey of a caregiver - mother, father, sister, brother, friend - who is especially the primary support or substitute decision maker of someone who is struggling with their mental health.

This is an incredibly challenging role!

How do you make those difficult decisions in crisis in the best interest of your loved one and everyone involved? During those challenging moments, who is there supporting you? Who is the person that will listen, encourage, and provide guidance?

And more importantly while you’re going through, how do you keep yourself in a place of stability and balance to be an effective support of your loved one?

Caregivers more often than not, effectively engaged by treatment teams in the process of decision making and planning for their loved one and or provided with adequate support. Caregivers require immense education, awareness, and resources as they navigate a precarious journey in unfamiliar territory we call the conventional mental health system.

While also carrying the grief of seeing someone you love go through the depths of despair. You have to hold space for them and for yourself.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

A wonderful client recently described navigating the mental health system is like “going to a foreign country where you do not speak the language.” That sounds pretty accurate. Again, in addition to all the added overwhelming emotions, as well as grief and loss that surrounds these circumstances and watching your loved one suffer.

We are called to be strong, resilient, and courageous in the face of tremendous stress and pressure. Furthermore, our loved one maybe angry and upset with us. They often do not have insight in to their condition or our attempt to help. They maybe a danger to themselves or others. And the help they receive may or may not be helpful. And yes, we are often left on our own to grapple in this thick of uncertainty and the unknown.

Talk about the dark night of the soul…

The only thing we can do is put one step in front of the other, with our hearts on our hand as we walk through this harrowing journey. There’s often no map for this territory, and I agree it is akin to life itself. We are not guaranteed anything at all. We step in to this place in full faith that the ground beneath us will sustain and support us. Similarly in loving…

Why does it have to be so damn hard!?

I believe we are all guided in seen and unseen forces. Yet, there are times when we feel utterly alone and so vulnerable in our experience. And during those times, I agree with the sage advice above that we have to “go inward” as we continue to search for answers and the next right step.

And yes sometimes there’s no adequate and effective help, and there are situations and events that cannot be changed. Yet, there is always hope. We also have the option of not suffering over our suffering or our loved one’s suffering. Their path is not ours and we do not know of all the lessons contained in their experiences of adversity.

Our job is to be there and to witness their journey, do all we can to help, but to let go of the outcome. Trust their steps are ordered as are all of ours. There is something greater than both and all of us that’s directing our path. That which keeps our hearts beating every second of every day.

This is easier said than done…I know!

I wanted to share this with you today because over the years I’ve had the privilege of working with amazing caregivers who truly love and advocate for their loved ones. I am humbled by their fierce love to protect the safety, dignity, and humanity of their family member.

And it is not an easy process to go through. Most people who have never been in those situations just can’t understand how massive this task and responsibility is and how much fortitude it requires to endure.

I admire those of you who are walking through this path right now. Thank you for your quiet courage, and strength. Thank you for your example of loving even when it feels impossible. Your loved one is blessed to have someone like you in their lives.

You are a true gift!

It’s not always easy to see this or believe it, but please be gentle with yourself! You deserve the same compassion and love you freely give to your loved one and to others.

Please forward this information with anyone who you believe would benefit.

Feel free to leave me your questions, comments, and feedback below. Thank you for taking the time to be here.

Until next time, we continue in solidarity. 

Neseret Bemient, BScN
Holistic Mental Health Coach 
Website: Return to Wholeness Healing Services
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@NeseretBemient
Twitter(X): Neseret Bemient (@JourneyofHope4U)

BIG DREAMS

...start inside
...take courage
...involve effort
...include mistakes
...build character
...are achievable

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~